heidi's space

We cause our own missery! Right! The people in our lifes become our swirll of energy be that good or bad we become who they are like a whirlpool in the middle of the ocean is my heart i try to float but i feel like I'm sinking, there is only so much a person can take mentally until jus give up an give in to the feedin frenzy of the sharks. wanting to take steps back to make it good but then why am i the one always saying sorry an placing a bandaid on the open wound. Need  a hand lent out to grab an pull me back in an let me know its okay were gonna make is but yet all there is is silence no words no hands nothing left emptyan alone again like so many times. WE CAUSE OUR OWN MISERY! RIGHT!

Bees in a colony they work together so well I tend to wonder why an how all other walks of life work together so beautiful an peacefull why civilization can not get it together to work as a unit to make this universe something spectacular hmmm well untill then lol I will continue on w/ this new since of freedom my begining I am not a bee but i am a butterfly here to spread my beauty an my gift of inner love not only to my self but to all i come in contact with. I am working on my own bee colony from a butterfly standpoint! I am a flower sprotting an a bird learning to fly!

seasons of the mind seem to b my theme l8tly! I have obsessing thoughts which i try to control but it tends to make them come in to thundering waves storms of the mind, I suppose. Can not really open up an speak about these storms to a loved one feellings of judgement an anger well up usually in the form of  a shut down lack of communication even blame so i keep to my self carring a burdon feeling of shame, fear, fustration. Wore out tired over worked searching for something finding nothing feelings of disappointment wanting more getting less. Searching thorough my seasons!

There are people in my life that i notice struggle an have alot of resistaince which begins to create a form of resintment unhappy feelings, if they would just let go of this resistance they would feel the resintment melt down an away opening up new path ways of positive energy allowing a greater good to imerge an when i see this i also notice this in me. Life an experiance has become my teacher noticing it all taking it all in hmmmm learning to let go let things happen

there are so many changes in life so many moments never once can you redo them! become the observer in the change of your seasons draw awarness to all the moments never letting them go  unnoticed but when they do observe with non judgement an attachmant. smile an move forth into the present let go of the past it will only hold you back from your full potential.