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June 06 sufferingWe cause our own missery! Right! The people in our lifes become our swirll of energy be that good or bad we become who they are like a whirlpool in the middle of the ocean is my heart i try to float but i feel like I'm sinking, there is only so much a person can take mentally until jus give up an give in to the feedin frenzy of the sharks. wanting to take steps back to make it good but then why am i the one always saying sorry an placing a bandaid on the open wound. Need a hand lent out to grab an pull me back in an let me know its okay were gonna make is but yet all there is is silence no words no hands nothing left emptyan alone again like so many times. WE CAUSE OUR OWN MISERY! RIGHT! January 25 beeBees in a colony they work together so well I tend to wonder why an how all other walks of life work together so beautiful an peacefull why civilization can not get it together to work as a unit to make this universe something spectacular hmmm well untill then lol I will continue on w/ this new since of freedom my begining I am not a bee but i am a butterfly here to spread my beauty an my gift of inner love not only to my self but to all i come in contact with. I am working on my own bee colony from a butterfly standpoint! I am a flower sprotting an a bird learning to fly! January 11 seasonsseasons of the mind seem to b my theme l8tly! I have obsessing thoughts which i try to control but it tends to make them come in to thundering waves storms of the mind, I suppose. Can not really open up an speak about these storms to a loved one feellings of judgement an anger well up usually in the form of a shut down lack of communication even blame so i keep to my self carring a burdon feeling of shame, fear, fustration. Wore out tired over worked searching for something finding nothing feelings of disappointment wanting more getting less. Searching thorough my seasons! November 26 paradoxThere are people in my life that i notice struggle an have alot of resistaince which begins to create a form of resintment unhappy feelings, if they would just let go of this resistance they would feel the resintment melt down an away opening up new path ways of positive energy allowing a greater good to imerge an when i see this i also notice this in me. Life an experiance has become my teacher noticing it all taking it all in hmmmm learning to let go let things happen November 14 changesthere are so many changes in life so many moments never once can you redo them! become the observer in the change of your seasons draw awarness to all the moments never letting them go unnoticed but when they do observe with non judgement an attachmant. smile an move forth into the present let go of the past it will only hold you back from your full potential. October 31 reasonsThings come up for a reason events, words an actions all lead up to moments in time what we do effects others the words we say seem to mean nothing its the energy that units every being but what happens when there is not energy? Feelings pass, how to hold on to that feeling, that moment, they all pass. Good or bad who is to know hopefully we learn an grow from these moments an learn the true meaning of let go, love fully with an open heart, so guarded an chained from our past. When do we really know the reason maybe when its comming to the end we tend to see clearer. October 24 3rd ICame across this reading today which reconfirms a belife i have! People in general have bad eyes w/o out eyes our senses are hightened but everyones seems to think that bad eye sight is not good but what if we are returning to a more primitive or evolved state of bein, leading again with third eye center of wisdom the place in between the brows hmmm."The self existent made holes [in the body for the senses to turn] outward. Therefore one looks out an not into ones self. Acertain sage desiring immorality beheld the self within, with the eyes turned away[from the outer world]. Fools follow outer pleasures. They walk into the wide open trap of death. But the sages, knowing immorality, do not seek the stable among unstable things here [in this world]." ya that pretty much says it all!!!! October 17 flowinsometimesthe river gets caught by the damn, sit back an watch how the water rises fills up the space then drains creating a new path one that may be better flows with ease. The storms come an go the rain falls observe the thunder an lightning fully soaking it in enjoying an fully fill up with it an then let it go compleatly like the oceanic breath none judging of where it gets caught just observe. August 26 meI am special an unique an that makes me who i am.When we are younger we are always searching for things out side of us to make us better like some how that will happen but, there comes a moment, how ever long it may take is different for everyone we realize that everything we need is already with us on the inside an thats all we really need an then we have everything.That is where i have come to find me finally 30 yrs of searching an this is it i am perfect the way i am in a totally imperfect way that is so beautiful. I am my own butterfly!!!! August 17 the danceso ya have you ever been in a relationship alone. Ask don't tell keep all to self never sharing always taking. Well, i seem to feel that i am in one alone but why what for? The weather seems to be justice on my mood needing something getting nothing asking but nothing how long does the dance continue? Why do the doing what is it all 4? Ya i know LEARNING? That is all i seem to do is learn to dance!!!! WTF. My dancing feet r tired when is the janitor coming to sweep me off my feet? Have i found them? HUH July 11 too hot read my mind
July 09 yogaIt is quite profound how yoga is brought in to the every day mind. The clear visions that r seen. How awareness develops. that i can b me all the time how free that feeling is. A breeze blowing through the air. That sound is ME!!!!! July 01 watertrying to swim in a relationship is seeming hard staying afloat with out a life preservation device can become over whelming the fight an the struggle are they really worth it in the end or should there not be this constant struggle or is it the norm? Trying to find this equanimity is like walking a tight rope when to let go, to give in, or to move on how much can one person take on or should they take on? Tears of emotion flow like a steam nothing to grab on to not even a cold emotionless hand to grab on to. Nothing to let you no that there can be rays of sunshine around the next bout. Why stay is the question is it co dependency hmmm maybe there will b a trade off someday. June 27 thinkinglately i have begun to notice the full circle of actions an consiquences not that i have not b4 but lately they have become more interesting an there is not just one but a broad spectrum of them. |
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